Once upon a swizzle there was a kneecap. It belonged to Jeffery. Jeffery was a dragon. He should have died a long time ago but he was too stupid to. Right now he lived in a town McCaxevile. It was always sunny and happy. Even the flowers smiled. Jeffery loved McCaxevile until the Summer of 1966. Nothing happened that summer but fall of 2014 Jeffery’s life would change forever. He would discover that all of the happiness was just a mere illusion. And how he would reveal the ugly truth.
He was floating along stupidly. No one knows how he did it he just floated. Then he tripped on a cheese burger. Then he realized it was an In-out cheeseburger. He took a bite out of it a it was amazing. Better than the McDonalds cheeseburgers. But then he saw a sign that said “In-Out cheeseburgers are illegal. “That’s flubadwif” said Jeffery, “What kind of stupid law is that?!?!” Jeffery wanted to change this law and his pants because Jeffery hated them both. What was the matter with this town. How could people and other magical creatures live like this. There must be a few laws that would give them more freedom.Otherwise Jeffery would get extremely hangry.
Later that night he looked up all the laws. He discovered that Old Spice, leaving town, and Russian dancing were all illegal. Jeffery was outraged, “What kind of Snubif town is this”. Jeffery was so outraged he opened a taco stand. It was called I’m angry taco stand.He didn’t get a lot of business because people complained that he needed a better name and that he had a terrible attitude. This made Jeffery even more mad. He was so mad that he just skipped the hot dog stand part. So he went to the next step. making a plan to leave town.
The next day Jeffery arrived at the train station at -25:93:7. Jeffery saw an old fashioned modern train He hopped into a train and took off. Then he filled up on gasoline. He didn’t fill the train with gas he filled himself with gas, he filled the train with coal. He put the train into full speed. He turned the train right then left then left then a straight. Then Jeffery saw the corner.It turned at an angle that Jeffery’s train would have to be going a l lot slower. He knew he was going to fly right off the corner and he did. “Goodbye cruel world. At lest I’m full of gas,” Jeffery cried and then Jeffery and the train hit the ground.
There was a loud crash and the train kept rolling. He was driving the train on the freeway. It skittered from side to side knocking cars over onto their sides. It even knocked over one of the cop cars. The cops shouted into their megaphones “Owner of the train, pull over,” Jeffery respond by saying “I don’t own this train, I’m just borrowing it from a random stranger.” “JUST PULL THE TRAIN OVER” screamed the cops. “Okay okay bossy pants I’ll pull my train over. Jeffery turned the train to the right but he just pulled over. He forgot to stop when he pulled over. It went off the road and into a magical portal. In reality it was a tunnel out of town.When he looked back he saw that the cops had crashed into each other. Jeffery had escaped. He drove his train towards freedom.
Lord AXE had won the uncontested elections, again. It did help that his contestant was someone from his own office and they purposely made bad speeches. Or the fact that the votes are rigged. Or even the fact that he had driven all the Badgers that were “evil”. He stood on his balcony looking out over the town when he heard his door open. It was his advisor. “Sir I have terrible news. One of our citizens has escaped.” “What. Are you telling me that somebody has escaped? Who was it” AXE responded with a cold tone “It was a dragon named Jeffery. On a brain annulus we found that his IQ was -123 and were grading on a scale of 1 to 10. “Hunt Jeffery down” responded AXE with a tone so cold the temperature in the room drop 15 degrees. “And don’t stop until he’s a dragon pelt on a piece of wood on my wall over my fireplace” the room was ice-cold.
The next day Jeffery saw another town. There was a big billboard that said, “Welcome to Freemurca”. Jeffery decided to explore the town. He got a ton of Old Spice. He ate In-Out burgers. While he was ate the restaurant he met this girl he liked. Her name was Rebecca. She was a dragon like Jeffery. Jeffery asked Rebecca out and she said yes.“You have a nice eyeball,” complemented Rebecca. “Thanks,” responded Jeffery, “And you chew your food with such Grace”. Rebecca blushed, “Thank you” and they went on complementing each other. They exchanged numbers and parted.
On the way out Jeffery saw a sad looking badger “What’s the matter,” asked Jeffery, “I’ve been kicked out of my town. It’s called McCaxevile,” replied the Badger. “Hey I’m from McCaxevile,” exclaimed Jeffery “How bout I sneak you back into McCaxevile,” “Really you would do that for me?,” “Of corse but first what’s your name?,” “My name is Jeffery,” responded Jeffery and they began to make travel plans
AXE watched as Jeffery spoke to the Badger. So they were coming back. Well getting Jeffery would be easier than expected. However he couldn’t just send one of his own men out into the streets to kill him. He had to be sneaky. He called his advisor. “Listen up I need you to do me a favor. I need you to someone who can lead some kind of gang to hunt him down. If they are unwilling to corporate just hypnotize them.” “As you wish my lord.” Fifteen minuets later Finn came in he had been hypnotized. They had used a hamster to hypnotize him. It was a grueling task but it was worth it. “Finn I need you to hunt and kill Jeffery the dinosaur. Make sure that this event can’t be tracked back to me.” said AXE. “As you wish.” said Finn with no emotion. “Finn please add some more emotion when Jeffery is present” said AXE. His face flashed a wicked smile.
That night Jeffery and the badger snuck along a wall. They were eating fried chicken. “What happens if we get caught?,” asked the Badger. They turned the corner to find Finn, the ruler of fighting immortal hamsters waiting for them with a big handful of hand grenades. “I’m gonna blow you to bits,” said Finn.”That’s what happens when we get caught,” remarked Jeffery “Run!”
The were being chased down street after street. Fear pulsing though their blood. “What do we do,” panted the Badger. “I don’t know,” responded Jeffery. “You’re gonna run out of gas and then I will get you,” taunted Finn. Gas. Jeffery had drank a gallon of gas that day. So he turned around and thew up all the gas on Finn. As if coming out of a hypnotic trance Finn said “Hey what’s going on?” “You must have been hypnotized,” said the badger. “Finn listen up. We need to over throw The cruel and evil Lord AXE,” explained the badger, “We should get a huge army to revolt. Get all your friends and relatives to revolt,” said Jeffrey. “Does this plan involve unnecessary violence?” asked Finn. “This plan is pretty much unnecessary violence” responded Jeffery “Count me in!!!!” said Finn. They began to call every body they knew. “Rebecca, could you come here and help me defeat
In city hall AXE watched the whole chase. Jeffery’s gas blurb, Finn coming out of the trance, their plans to revolt. His advisor said “My lord AXE, we need to assemble the troops. If we don’t this revolt will make you lose your power” He said. “Agreed. We shall crush them before they reach our door step. Prepare the AXE legions. I have a plan to change that”. AXE then went to his speech podium and made an emergency announcement.
“Attention citizens of McCaxevile. I speak to you with a troubled heart. A dragon named Jeffery is out to get me. He has assembled a group of thugs and criminals have made plans to overthrow me. They want to end the golden age that I have lead this city into. What ever you do. Don’t help any of them. If you do it would be treason against this city. Chose the right thing and stay loyal to me. Together we can continue this golden age.”
The next day was bright and sunny. A larger crowed had gathered they had came from all the calls that Jeffery, The Badger and Finn had called. “We shall have our rights back to have badgers, in-out and Old Spice.,” Preached Jeffery. A loud cry came out from the army “We shall go to city hall and fight,” screamed Jeffery. They charged forward like a great flood unleashed from a dam. They arrived at city hall in a matter of seconds. “Old Spice Body spray take fire,” Jeffery yelled. Jeffery then shoved a pie in his face and called it battle paint. The old spice shot a the wall and the wall blew up. When the wall cleared they found an army of AXE and brainwashed soldiers. They all charged. Suddenly men with guns, giant cans of AXE and ostriches were on them. They were surrounded. “Well this must be the end,” cried Jeffery. Then Jeffrey died. So he got kneecap surgery on his fore head so he could come back. After all Jeffery is to stupid to die.
At this point AXE’s advisor had become very cocky. So he picked up a megaphone and yelled, “Listen up. You may have an army, but it’s not a strong army. And if you think you can beat us in an election then think again. We have rigged the votes for the past 20 years. Nothing can defeat us. We will take a vantage of everybody for the rest of our lives and they will never have a clue.”
Just then everybody in the town opened their doors. They had heard the speech. This was an outrage. They grabbed anything they could use as a weapon and began to march on town hall. Jeffery’s army had just tripled.The crowd began to shout and throw rocks a town hall.They began chanting “Down with AXE. Down with AXE. Now even if they lost AXE would lose all of his influence. “Oops” said AXE. He saw his advisor leave. That’s when Jeffery yelled “Charge for your freedom and cheep undercooked hot dogs.” and the whole army charged right at town hall. “YOU IDIOT” screamed AXE. He then hit him with a hammer. Shoved AXE Deodorant on him. He let out a wail of agony. Then AXE sprayed an entire can of AXE body spray on him. His arms were flailing in the air. He let out a cry of complete agony. And then he died. This only made the crowd more outraged. Jeffery then yelled “charge”.
Jeffery grabbed an ostrich and swung it around. He chugged more gasoline. He was going to be extremely gassy. Jeffery belched an extremely loud. The sprite was catching up to him. His belch broke all of the windows in the building. Suddenly half the gun men came out of a hypnotic trance. The burp broke some of the hypnotic trances They turned their guns on the AXE sprays. Rebecca ate a taco and knocked out gun men. The Old Spice fired at AXE. The AXE exploded into a million little pieces. The badger let out a snarl and clawed a guy in the face. The badger yelled “You have angered the badger.”Jeffery ran up stairs, grabbed a bottle of AXE tuned the corner and there he met Lord AXE. And he had a look of pure hate that flamed in his eyes. So Jeffery tried to put it out with lighter fluid. That just made him more mad. The fire was now greater that a bonfire.
Jeffery charged and threw AXE across the room. He left a huge crater in the floor but AXE just got up and kicked Jeffery in the stomach. “You fool!” growled AXE “Every time somebody puts on AXE, I get all the power they loose.” Jeffery then had the very first non-stupid thought in his life. He sprayed AXE with an can of AXE. “NOOOOOOO. My only weakness,” screeched AXE. “You’ll pay for what you have done. I will return and then-”. He never got to finish his sentence because Jeffery stomped him into the ground. He fell about fifteen miles down. Jeffery thew a giant sheet of metal so that he couldn’t climb out of the hole. This caused the hole caved in because of the metal. AXE was never to be seen again. The armies stopped fighting. Then AXE’s army retreated. They ran to a far off land where some of them would never be seen again.Jeffery had won. AXE and his reign of tyranny was over forever.
“Jeffery!” Rebecca screamed with joy. “Rebecca!” Jeffery called out. “I can’t believe we won,” cheered Jeffery. “Guess what! We found a way to bring back all of our men who died! All we had to do was give them kneecap surgery on their foreheads,” cheered Rebecca. “That’s amazing,” said Jeffery. And then Jeffery and Rebecca kissed. Now they could live true happiness. Not that fake illusion. They would continue to love each other with all of there hearts. Jeffery was the new elected leader of McCaxevile. Jeffery decided to lead the town with his new found friends. They would lead the city into a true and honest golden age. Jeffery made the city enter the golden age by saying it was golden years old. He then changed the name to Badgertoipa even thought it was supposed to be called Fruitsnakia. Oh well Jeffery does what he wants to do. Even if it doesn’t make any sense to anybody.
AXE awoke fifteen miles under town hall. He was in a room with a metal celling and dirt walls.He had lost the fight and now he was powerless. Right now he had to find a was out. Since the roof was metal he began to dig into the side. He was clawing rapidly at the dirt. He would get out of here.He shoved the dirt aside to find a cavern filled with blinding light. When his eyes adjusted he found an underground cavern. Suddenly two men with gun came from the conner and yelled “Halt right there.” AXE responded “Oh really. I have a better option. Take me to your leader or else.” “Or else what” asked one of the guards. Or else, THIS” said AXE as he pulled out AXE body spray and shot at one of the guards. They fell to the ground and started to twitch in agony. Then there body went limp. They were dead. “Do we have any other problems?” taunted AXE. The man shook his head. His fore head was beaded with sweat. “Good. I’m glad we don’t have any other problems” said AXE. He then flashed a wicked smile of evil. The man began to lead him down the tunnel.