Horatio and I were walking in the village together talking about my princess Darcy. I wanted to teach Horatio some grade A courting techniques. I agreed to teach him the courting techniques if he beat me home, but he was not ready to race me. So I taught him how to do the techniques anyway and we went to the castle to try them on the princess. I told Horatio to say, “oh princess where for art thou princess”. I fed Horatio lines about courting such as, “weather tis nobler to be together”. It worked; she was wooed by the words and fell in love with Horatio. I was hiding behind the castle wall so the princess wouldn’t see me. Horatio and I went back to my house and we celebrated. I felt proud for helping Horatio.

Next, General Edward came into the castle to court the princess. He sat down next to the princess and talked to her trying to woo her. “I caught a hawk today,” Edward said to her, trying to impress her. She was not interested in what he had to say. Then, Edward had to go stop the town’s pillagers and walked away.

Later that night the soldiers found my boat that was badly damaged. Edward came to tell me about my boat so I got dressed to see what happened. I walked down to the beach, I saw my boat, and asked if the workers were able to fix it. Meanwhile, walking on the beach, I found a message in a bottle. There were 12 messages all from Darcy (who was my girlfriend in New York).

The first message said, “Hey Jaegar, it’s me it’s Darcy. I just realized your writing came straight out of Frommers. I checked and it did, write me as soon as you get this”. I had previously written an article about Oceania that was published in Frommers. I felt proud of what I had written and I’m glad she saw it.

The next message said, “Hey Lemuel (my nickname), it’s Darcy. I’ve totally forgiven you. Oh wait, no, I haven’t. Now I have to get seasick on a boat to cover your butt. Thanks for this, and if you can’t tell that thanks was sarcastic”.

The last message said, “Darcy again, I can’t believe you lied to me. I trusted you. Wherever you’re hiding stay there. I never want to hear from you again”. I felt sad for myself after I read her messages. I never should have written those articles.

Edward told me he’ll have the ship ready by weeks end and he found blueprints for a robot. Later that night I was sitting outside the castle forlorn after receiving Darcy’s last letter realizing I’d never see her again. The princess asked why I was forlorn, and I told her I wasn’t. So she asked if I missed my princess and the millennium falcon (my car in New York). I told her that vice president Yoda could run things while I’m gone.

The next morning Edward confronted the king, “Noble and valiant king Theodore I trusteth not this beast and furthermore he shall not be welcome here”. Next, the king said, ” I most humbly disagreeth and why must we go on with these “eth’s”. Edward shouted, “speaking eth is a lilliputian tradition” then the King said, “whoa, inside castle voice please!” Edward said, ” forgive meth forgive me”. King said to Edward, “maybe a little time off for you and others would be the right thing except for one person”. Edward asked the king, “who would that be?”

The next day at sunrise the workers finished building a gateway. King theodore introduced a general as he proclaimed, “Our new general Jaegar!” I said, “I hope to be working with you vice general Edward.” Later at noon Edward was walking through the village saying to himself, “vice general… vice, I’ve never been the vice of anything , I can’t take orders from that gargantuan fool, I’d rather take orders from a woman.” Edward told two guards, “you are relieved”. One of them responded, “thank you vice general Edward”. He went to the control room and said, “all right Jaegar help protect us against war”. In a burst of energy he turned off all of the defense systems.

The blefucian general said, “They have turned off their defense system, alert the king and prepare the armada!” A soldier whimpered when a stampede of cannon balls came flying down. Edward said, ” Oh no, our defense system has failed, how will we ever get to our ships on time? “Careful, mind yourselves, oh what a mess!” The Blefucian general shouted. “They are defenseless, cease fire and ready the troops!” Horatio came running into my living room saying, “Jaegar the blefucians are attacking!” I responded, “Are you sure?” Horatio replied, “Yes we need you you’re our general.” I put down my bowl of oatmeal and went to see what happened.

The king saw what was going on and said, “good lord it’s the entire armada”! I came out and the soldiers told me to vanquish the armada and went to stop them. The king came out of his cabin and said, “why have we stopped”? They start to fire at me and cannonballs started to deflect and damaged the ships the general died I pulled all the ships and I stopped them.

To be continued…