we are sitting side by side now, but you’re still not ‘really’ here, are you? i can see a distance of a thousand miles separates us though only inches in front of you, our fingers brush. you hardly even notice my stare, which is intently concentrated on your lips; they’re moving, yet you’re mute. so i shift my gaze and i land among your eyes. “well this is new.” is this when i fell?

before i was capable of catching my breath, which mind you is normally never a problem, my heart liquified, melted inside of itself. and i couldn’t help think about how much i desperately want to be lost, in all of your features. but i think i realize now, i already am.

we’re still face to face & you’re still not here as our coffees arrive. but thats alright because i like to think that you’re off in your mind, thinking about me… though i very well know you’re not. and now, i can’t help but wonder what you taste like.

“i think you are special. i think we are special. i think your flaws make you perfect.” but of course i’d never tell you this. so instead i’ll grab your hand & hold it in mine. you’re still not here.

everything inside of me begins to collapse, fold, & deteriorate. because honestly, you’re all i really want, but i know you’re not mine to have. so i’ll just smile at your emotionless face and then down at the rings of my now empty mug; all while keeping hold of your hand.

and now I’m not here either, because being with you is poisonous, and its no different then being alone. but thats ok. you’re worth it. you’re worth the consumption of poison, because my dear, i love you.