Rosalie Turner, Diary entry 4:

Once again, this bubbling feeling of annoyance rises like a pit in my heart. I cant help but want to understand why.

There is so much on this earth that I will not understand, and I do not intend on understanding them, yet I feel the need to know why you long to make me feel invisible. You are my sanity. I don’t expect you to realize this but I could go to you with anything and everything you would have an answer for me. Maybe though, I have been colorblind to the truth. Maybe this friendship only went one way. I can now see with raw eyes how much effort I’ve been putting into something so hopeless.

Your words are always short, bitter, and hurtful. Maybe I am a fool for wishing that you actually cared, maybe I am a fool for wanting this friendship, maybe I am a fool… but are you aware the shape you’ve put me in? I’ve used all my words to fight. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying to understand.”

I’m weary, yes. Its time to accept, but not to understand. I may never understand why, but it is like I am losing a part of me, so yes, I will let you leave. I do not expect you back.

Rosalie Turner, Diary Entry 1:

“A flush of warmth and deception overwhelms my body as I stare at you with disbelief. The words that flow out of your mouth ever so easily, pierce into my heart like a jagged knife sinking deeper and deeper into my flesh. The only thing I blame myself for right now is how easily I forgive you.

My mind wanders to only a few minutes before, how excited I was to finally be apart of his life. I would expect you to understand the emotions I felt, for you had the same ones only days before. As my best friend, (knowing how I felt about him) I would hope that you would want me to be happy.

Am I wrong for wondering what I have done to make you feel as if I would be crossing a certain line, meeting up with Andrew the same place you are at? There are far too many emotions running through my veins at the moment. I am not sure how I should be feeling or if I should be hurt by the fact that you are trying to stop us from seeing each other.”

A rush of tears form in my inner eyes as I end the phone call with my so called friend. Stunned 10 times over, I shamefully cancel on the plans Andrew had made for us. What he doesn’t realize is that it was not out of will, but pressure that I had canceled. Tears and confusion overwhelm me as I try to collect myself and understand. If I am being completely honest though, it wasn’t the fact that I was told not to join my plans with Andy that hurt me, but that I was told this from someone who was supposed to be my friend.

Unfortunately, I have learned the art of hiding my emotions behind a smile, only this was different. I was unable to control the amounts of tears coming from my own eyes. This my dear diary, is the consequence of never letting out your emotions, and now I am making up for years worth of tears as all of these emotions pour out of me. You see, my love is strong but my heart is weak.

Welcome to the story of my life.